My Gift of Joy

It is hard for me to imagine or believe you are now 21 years old. Your 21 years have passed much more quickly than my first 21 years.

In my heart, you haven’t changed. You have only enhanced your special qualities which make you who you are.

When you came, I was an “experienced” mom of two sons. I had held that role for 12 years. I knew exactly what to do – I thought.

However, when you came it was like starting all over again – in reality.

Two weeks after the doctor confirmed your upcoming arrival, my dad moved on to his Heavenly reward. I was heartbroken!

I remember my dad telling me how happy he was to hear about your upcoming arrival. He shared how sad he was about his leaving Earth before meeting you. He assured me he would watch from above. I cried!

I cried often over the next seven months.

My doctor confirmed your due date – April 8^th – my dad’s birthday. The first of many reassurances he was watching from above.

I continued to cry!

You, of course, had other plans. You arrived 3 weeks early in the middle of the night – 1:46am, to be exact. This unscheduled early arrival was a sign of things to come. You changed our world completely and kept us on our toes and on the go. You arrived ready for an adventure and we were simply along for the ride.

My dad had reminded me and my siblings to take care of our mom upon his departure.

When you arrived, she came to stay with us. She cared for your older brothers, your dad, you, and me with such energy and love. She was no longer as sad and lonely. I continued to cry, but not as much.

You arrived as a happy-go-lucky ball of energy. I had feared you would be a “crying baby” because I had cried so often and so much while waiting for you to arrive.

Your genuinely, natural happy nature had a healing power. I began to stop my crying and realize you were a gift of pure joy. Mom always said you were her grieving therapy. I know the power of your attributes was another way Dad was watching from above.

You have loved to live every day to the fullest – breaking rules along the way and taking your punishments without complaint but with a twinkle in your eyes, letting me know, you were just waiting for the next exciting opportunity – adventure!

You were a climber.

You escaped your crib early and often.

You fell down stairs or tripped while running across the playground but you would always stand up and raise your hand and say, “I’m good!”

You helped me see the world in a different way. This fact amazes me. I thought I was ready for anything because I already had two sons. I thought I had learned everything needed to rear a young man in the way he should go. You pushed me out of my comfort zone and, in your own special way, made it seem like a fun adventure.

You have never had a fear. You have jumped into any activity with 100% of energy as though you had done it a million times before.

You chose to skate at the roller rink without ever having skated in your life. You fell down more times than you ever glided but the smile NEVER left your face. I was dying with laughter on the sidelines while the other moms were looking for your responsible adult to assist you.

You have never met a stranger. You make friends easily and always look for the one who is left out or not included and draw them into whatever adventure you are ready to explore.

Many times over the years, your outgoing, social skills have sometimes made things difficult for you but you have never let that stop you.

Teachers have commented on numerous occasions on your confusion with the educational setting. They wanted you to realize school was not for socializing.

You, of course, completely ignored that type of negativity and kept having fun, constantly waiting for your next adventure or trying to meet your next friend.

My mom always said: “a stranger is just someone you haven’t yet met!” Somehow, she imposed this mantra on you.

For me, as an introvert, this was difficult. You have always enjoyed social situations. You have always been ready and waiting for the next party or activity – dragging me along (sometimes kicking and screaming). However, in the end, each adventure was full of more fun than I could imagine and each has left lasting – indelible - memories in my heart.

Your love and loyalty to your friends, both old and new, and those yet to be are a true reflection of Christ in your heart.

Your happy nature has only been enhanced over the last 21 years. You continue to bring a smile to other’s faces by so easily sharing yours. You have a generous heart and pure love for life. You so easily share your kind spirit with everyone who crosses your path. You truly bring me joy.

You are now studying to be a teacher – which touches my heart deeply. Students need men like you as a role model. Your temperament amazes me. Your first instinct is always happiness and laughter. You smile as often as you take a breath. The sound of your laughter makes everything better. Your positive personality is infectious!

Your natural skills in athletics have kept me busy for the majority of your 21 years, but, I have loved every second of being on the sidelines – no matter the sport: kickball, basketball, baseball, swimming, track, football, and soccer – you have always been full of energy and excitement. You have drawn me into your world as your biggest fan and this will be the exact reason you will continue to be a great coach to the young athletes who look up to you now and in the future.

You have never let an injury slow you down. Your enjoyment of sports, adventure, and the simple excitement of life has caused many of the most interesting injuries: nurse maid’s elbow, sprained thumb, broken tooth, bruised tailbone, sprained ankles, concussions, and pulled hamstrings. However, you just considered them part of the journey.

You are a special gift to our world. I am thankful I have been front row and center for the first 21 years. And, like Mary, I will always treasure each and every one of these memories in my heart.

You taught me to step out of my comfort zone. You taught me not to be so fearful and cautious. You taught me joy can be found outside of my comfort zone.

You taught me I could find joy after the loss of my dad.

Now, as you transition into your new chapter of life, I want you to know how thankful I am for you, how proud I am of you, and how much I enjoy being in your company.

I eagerly await your new adventures as you become less dependent on your dad and me. I eagerly await your future adventures as you become an educator, a coach, and a husband.  

I am so proud of your faith in God and your constant reflection of Christ. Your dependence on Him has helped you grow and mature into an amazing young man.

Don’t ever forget those who are watching over you and those who are simply watching you, as you go out into the world to share your joyful soul.

Just know, your birth 21 years ago, helped turned my tears into joy.

Happy Birthday, Kolton Macnair!

Love,

Mom 💓