The Look

Pride is a huge component of parenting. Parenting is a huge component of pride.

Growing up, I strived to make my parents proud. I wanted to see in their eyes a sense of pride when they looked at me.

The “look” was a reassurance to me I was on track. The “look” could only come from them because I cared what they thought.

When I became a parent, this feeling did not go away – it evolved, it grew. I still searched for the “look” of reassurance from them. However, it was no longer on a daily basis. It occurred now at pivotal times – moments!

The “look” of reassurance came through words on the page or from their voice. We no longer lived close. I was states away. This “look” became more important to me because I was now developing my own “look” for my children.

This “look” was becoming a treasured family heirloom.

As I passed my “look” forward into a third generation – I found myself looking over my shoulder for their “look” telling me – reassuring me – I was still on track.

My parents are gone now. Their “look” is now treasured in my heart.

I now have to be reassured by what they have taught me and what I have learned. 

I now know they were teaching me to look to God for my reassurance of being "on track."

I am now fully invested in the “look” I pass forward.

My sons now turn to me for that “look” of reassurance – during a game, after a phone call, after a conversation, after a pivotal event in their life -- after a moment.

I also now pass this “look” forward to a fourth generation – to my grandson. When I am with him, I am reminded of how proud my parents would be of him. I hear their voices, feel their presence, and remember their “look.”  He, too, looks for reassurance as he learns, grows, and develops.

I hope my sons are able to look back over their shoulder for my “look” as long as possible. If not, I hope they remember it and treasure it in their heart.

But most importantly, I hope my sons know to look to God for their reassurance.

I don’t forget its importance and hope I never do!

~ Jan 💓