Joy

Joy

My second word for the year (instead of just one) is Joy.

The word itself has a positive sound to it when you pronounce it.

Definition: A feeling of great happiness.

Synonyms: delight, glee, pleasure

I chose joy as my second word for the year because in order for me to experience joy, I truly must choose joy – literally, every day!

My first word of choice, kindness, was an easy word to focus on. When I focus on kindness, joy usually follows.

Joy does not come naturally to me.  

I am easily discouraged. I am easily saddened. I can easily feel depressed.

I don’t naturally “fit in” with others. I always feel like I am on the outside looking in.

My mom used to describe me as “wearing my feelings on my sleeves.”

I am so much better than I used to be.  I have learned through these 54 years (19,822 days) to find my self-worth and value through God’s eyes.  When I look for my worth in God, my negative self-talk becomes a whisper and eventually, silent. 

Lysa Terkeurst has written a wonderful book entitled Uninvited. It was a bit difficult for me to read this book because I could see myself throughout the study.

In the self-assessment, questions like these reminded me how far I have come because these questions put a spotlight on how I used to see myself:

1. When I make a mistake, how do I react with myself?

2. When I am not invited to an event or a gathering, what is my assumption about myself?

3. How do I feel when someone turns down an invitation from me?

4. How often do I rehash or revisit situations where I felt rejected?

5. How do I feel if others don’t include me in conversations?

I have learned this is Satan’s way of making me feel worth less than I am. However, I have to remind myself of this often. In God's eyes, he felt I was worth enough to die for.

I used to be angry with myself for having this low self-worth but I realized it had become quite a gift for me. Because I have struggled with my own self-worth, I am extremely empathetic to others. I am keenly aware of the feelings of others.

At the same time, because I am so keenly aware of the feelings of others, I can sometimes consume myself in thoughts, deeds, and actions for others. It can be exhausting!

David Jones, painter, engraver, and poet, stated:

“It is both a blessing and a curse to feel so deeply.”

Really, there is no truer quote.

The burden is sometimes more than I can bear but with God … it really isn’t a burden at all.

As a child, I was taught joy meant: Jesus first, Others second, Yourself last.

The meaning is perfect. When I think of joy in this way, it comes to me automatically.

Choosing joy allows me to truly love myself as I am and at the same time try to help someone else.

This year, I purchased two engraved bracelets: Kindness and Choose Joy. I usually wear them daily.

I love the following quotes about joy:

-          Joy is the best make-up. ~ Lamott

-          Joy is the holy fire that keeps our purpose warm and our intelligence aglow. ~ Keller

As a classroom teacher, I am able to use these gifts with my students. 

As a mom, I am able to use these gifts with my sons.

As an Elder's wife, I am to use these gifts in our congregation.

As Jan Eddy, I am able to use these gifts for me.

So on this 3^rd day of my Eddy Adventure blog, I am accomplishing #4 and #16 of my goals for 2018: Show Kindness and Be Joyful.

~ Jan 💓